So, as I have previously mentioned one of my goals this year was to blog at least once a week - obviously that hasn't happened. I don't consider this a complete failure b/c I have managed to write a few times which is more than I can say for previous attempts to chronicle my life.
I also haven't done 50 sit-ups a day which was on that list...and I haven't really even tried.
I feel like that last 16 months of my life have been some of the most revealing for me. Moving home was a big step for me. Prior to moving back I had a need to distance myself from anything I was uncomfortable with - I would move to close myself off, but when you move home...where everybody knows you, you can't just tell your side of the story. You have to face yourself in a way that is honest and naked. For 9 years I could sugar coat everything; when I was feeling down I could always muster 20 minutes of happy to call home - and when I was broke, no one every had to know. If I made a total ass of myself at a bar, it didn't matter - and if I was a jerk to someone, I never had to see them again.
Welcome home....that doesn't fly when you are from a town of 5,000 people.
In 16 months I have gone from having a very comfortable salary, with great benefits and a positive future, to starving waitress/nanny/small business owner. My dad died. I am facing an ever changing relationship with my mom, that I thought I wouldn't have to face for several more years. I am, financially worse off than I was in college...sad but true. I live 500 miles from my closest best friend. But I am the happiest I've ever been.
Somewhere there's a cliche about finding yourself at home...looking next door, I don't know, but the concept being when you've done everything you've wondered about you realize all you ever wanted was right where you started.
I'm really hoping this year for me will continue to bring positive changes and personal growth. Business is picking up - I love love love love love what I do - and God willing, and the creek don't rise, I'm going to find a way to make a living doing it. I don't have to be a millionaire...it'd be nice...but I just want to be happy. I want to wake up everyday and feel like I do now.
The only thing missing is someone to share it with and while I'm not God, nor do I attempt to question him (anymore), I have always believed that it is not until He is finished with You that He presents to you your life partner. You can't be the perfect compliment to someone if you aren't finished yet. I feel closer to finished than I have - ever - I'm still going to patiently (not really) wait for him (prince, not God) and know that if I've waited this long to meet him, its definitely not worth compromising.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Goals and Respect
So this year I've created a challenge for myself; accomplish 27 things, in this, my 27th year.
One of those things is to blog at least once a week...today is Saturday, a week from my birthday, so I'm going to say this qualifies as my first week, and therefore I haven't screwed up yet.
...the goal of doing sit-ups everyday, has already gone to pot...
I promised myself that when I moved home to start my own business I would leave politics in my previous life...for now. But I'm angry and appalled - and hopefully that this will be my only political blog of this, my 27th year.
As some people know my degree is in Political Science, I love politics, the study of it - but actually the human component is what intrigues me most. America is an amazing creation - I think its funny that in the last few decades we've done nothing but talk ourselves in circles -
A president, entering his first term has basically 12 months to accomplish everything he's promised an entire nation he believes in - all the while combating new relationships, lobbyists, campaign debts to big wigs, and moving into the White House - this is especially hard when you are a Governor moving from your home state to DC.
12 months - that's it - at month 13 you start worrying about the mid-term elections and as soon as you get over that loss (as it almost always is when the party of the President changes) - you are unable to accomplish anything because all the new people have something to prove and are therefore disinterested in working with anyone on a compromising agenda...for now
- then you have to get ready to run for reelection....if you win you're a second termer and no longer have the serious clout to push through massive policy changes ...small things yes...sometimes big things disguised as small things, yes...but really all you get is 12 months.
I find it ironic that for a country at the forefront of new technology and fast change we have one of the most anchored government processes in the civilized world...but probably that's not a bad thing.
We exist within the confines of a government that was founded upon slow change, and yet with each arrival of a new majority - or a new party in the white house - we want immediate results. Half the country is upset that agendas are being 'rammed through' and the other half is mad that compromises are inevitably made from the drawing board to the final floor votes and rarely is the original intent of any bill full realized. Both parties do it - when in the minority, both parties scream loudly in opposition - and they turn around a few years later and do it again.
My real dad is a Col. in the United States Marine Corps. For as long as I can remember, even when I was an overzealous teen and young adult completely engulfed in politics, he refused to talk about the President in any way other than to acknowledge him as the Commander and Chief - and therefore, his boss. He never told me who he voted for...although as a Texas transplant I had my suspicions. From Bush 41 to Clinton to Bush 43, 9/11 and now Obama, his tone has never changed.
I love politics - a wise Tennessee woman named Anna Belle Clement O'Brien once said "politics is a beautiful word to me" - politics is what makes things happen, it brings about change - not always good, but always creating an opportunity to learn and breeding desire in those who agree and passion in those with dissenting opinions.
Another irony I see as related to this topic; in business cutting deals makes you a good and savvy businessman, in politics it makes you dirty.
This past week a HUGE controversy has erupted over President Obama's desire to address our nations school children during the school day - school districts are opting out, parents are being given the option to pull their children out of the classroom during the address, editorial pages have been bombarded with very opinionated voices on the matter...all the while the people suffering most are our kids...in my humble opinion.
Why on earth would you want to teach you child that he or she doesn't have to respect the office of the President of the United States. I might not agree with President Obama, or past presidents -but I listened - I knew why I didn't agree.
Politics has become so BLUE and RED - and quite frankly the more ranting that occurs the closer the two move to a centrist view that is only distinguished by hot social issues like gay marriage or abortion. How many local and state elections have you suffered through were these two issues were at the forefront of a campaign's message? How many times have you followed up to even find out if that candidate would have had the opportunity to take a stance on that issue if elected (most of the time those are non-issues, especially in local, and often in state elections)?
Perhaps there was an underlying agenda in the original address; the general public will never know the truth - but regardless of whether politics existed in this instance, the fallacy lies in the fact that in this county, in the 21st century we don't have respect for our President.
My dad has taught me that regardless of who you voted for - Respect is paramount. I don't care what your politics are, I am embarrassed that in 2009 we still have members of this society that think politics is more important than respect for the Commander and Chief.
What if the tables were turned - what if the nations we work with everyday; Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia, Great Britain, Mexico, China - what if they decided they didn't like THIS President so they were going to sit the next 4 years out and just ignore America? If we can't garner respect within our own boarders, how on earth should we expect other nations to behave any different.
One of those things is to blog at least once a week...today is Saturday, a week from my birthday, so I'm going to say this qualifies as my first week, and therefore I haven't screwed up yet.
...the goal of doing sit-ups everyday, has already gone to pot...
I promised myself that when I moved home to start my own business I would leave politics in my previous life...for now. But I'm angry and appalled - and hopefully that this will be my only political blog of this, my 27th year.
As some people know my degree is in Political Science, I love politics, the study of it - but actually the human component is what intrigues me most. America is an amazing creation - I think its funny that in the last few decades we've done nothing but talk ourselves in circles -
A president, entering his first term has basically 12 months to accomplish everything he's promised an entire nation he believes in - all the while combating new relationships, lobbyists, campaign debts to big wigs, and moving into the White House - this is especially hard when you are a Governor moving from your home state to DC.
12 months - that's it - at month 13 you start worrying about the mid-term elections and as soon as you get over that loss (as it almost always is when the party of the President changes) - you are unable to accomplish anything because all the new people have something to prove and are therefore disinterested in working with anyone on a compromising agenda...for now
- then you have to get ready to run for reelection....if you win you're a second termer and no longer have the serious clout to push through massive policy changes ...small things yes...sometimes big things disguised as small things, yes...but really all you get is 12 months.
I find it ironic that for a country at the forefront of new technology and fast change we have one of the most anchored government processes in the civilized world...but probably that's not a bad thing.
We exist within the confines of a government that was founded upon slow change, and yet with each arrival of a new majority - or a new party in the white house - we want immediate results. Half the country is upset that agendas are being 'rammed through' and the other half is mad that compromises are inevitably made from the drawing board to the final floor votes and rarely is the original intent of any bill full realized. Both parties do it - when in the minority, both parties scream loudly in opposition - and they turn around a few years later and do it again.
My real dad is a Col. in the United States Marine Corps. For as long as I can remember, even when I was an overzealous teen and young adult completely engulfed in politics, he refused to talk about the President in any way other than to acknowledge him as the Commander and Chief - and therefore, his boss. He never told me who he voted for...although as a Texas transplant I had my suspicions. From Bush 41 to Clinton to Bush 43, 9/11 and now Obama, his tone has never changed.
I love politics - a wise Tennessee woman named Anna Belle Clement O'Brien once said "politics is a beautiful word to me" - politics is what makes things happen, it brings about change - not always good, but always creating an opportunity to learn and breeding desire in those who agree and passion in those with dissenting opinions.
Another irony I see as related to this topic; in business cutting deals makes you a good and savvy businessman, in politics it makes you dirty.
This past week a HUGE controversy has erupted over President Obama's desire to address our nations school children during the school day - school districts are opting out, parents are being given the option to pull their children out of the classroom during the address, editorial pages have been bombarded with very opinionated voices on the matter...all the while the people suffering most are our kids...in my humble opinion.
Why on earth would you want to teach you child that he or she doesn't have to respect the office of the President of the United States. I might not agree with President Obama, or past presidents -but I listened - I knew why I didn't agree.
Politics has become so BLUE and RED - and quite frankly the more ranting that occurs the closer the two move to a centrist view that is only distinguished by hot social issues like gay marriage or abortion. How many local and state elections have you suffered through were these two issues were at the forefront of a campaign's message? How many times have you followed up to even find out if that candidate would have had the opportunity to take a stance on that issue if elected (most of the time those are non-issues, especially in local, and often in state elections)?
Perhaps there was an underlying agenda in the original address; the general public will never know the truth - but regardless of whether politics existed in this instance, the fallacy lies in the fact that in this county, in the 21st century we don't have respect for our President.
My dad has taught me that regardless of who you voted for - Respect is paramount. I don't care what your politics are, I am embarrassed that in 2009 we still have members of this society that think politics is more important than respect for the Commander and Chief.
What if the tables were turned - what if the nations we work with everyday; Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia, Great Britain, Mexico, China - what if they decided they didn't like THIS President so they were going to sit the next 4 years out and just ignore America? If we can't garner respect within our own boarders, how on earth should we expect other nations to behave any different.
Monday, June 29, 2009
reflections
I'd like to start this blog by saying that the older I get the more comfortable I am admitting that I don't know as much as I once thought...but I'm not stupid either.
My dad passed away on June 17th - it took me almost 14 years to find my dad and I was truly blessed to have 13 years with him - and I miss him every minute - but I'm trying to be strong for my mom and remember the good times.
Loosing someone you love sucks - really bad sucks, but if you are me, you believe that God has a true and pure purpose for each of us on this earth and when we are through with His purpose on earth then he brings us to spend eternity with him in Heaven.
Once when discussing this topic with my parents ...well I need to take about 3 steps back to introduce this story -
I ramble and sometimes get on tangents about meaningless topics, but people listen, so whatever, but I was ranting about how I think that when I make it to Heaven I'm going to ask God 3 questions - I don't know where I came up with this, I made it up and have said it enough that I have convinced myself it's trut - but I was disscussing my question (I have only settled on 1 thus far in my life) - which is 'what are misquitos for?' - I don't like a lot of things on earth; snakes, rats, roaches, etc, but I understand their purpose in the circle of life - misquitos are a perpetual mystery...so that's question 1.
In a response to my rant about misquitos Ken said "If I get to Heaven I'm going to go find a corner to sit in, under an umbrella, with my Charlie dog and I'm going to hope no one notices me...in case it's a mistake that I'm there."
I assure you it is no mistake he's in Heaven. Ken Hoots was an amazing man who taught me the best lesson dad's ever teach daughters...and that lesson is that YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Women are hard on themselves, I am, my friends are - but the truth is, we are all worth the love, and partnership and support of a lifetime partner.
I'm still waiting on mine - I just trust that God isn't done with me yet...or him.
Either way, I know it'll be worth the wait.
My dad passed away on June 17th - it took me almost 14 years to find my dad and I was truly blessed to have 13 years with him - and I miss him every minute - but I'm trying to be strong for my mom and remember the good times.
Loosing someone you love sucks - really bad sucks, but if you are me, you believe that God has a true and pure purpose for each of us on this earth and when we are through with His purpose on earth then he brings us to spend eternity with him in Heaven.
Once when discussing this topic with my parents ...well I need to take about 3 steps back to introduce this story -
I ramble and sometimes get on tangents about meaningless topics, but people listen, so whatever, but I was ranting about how I think that when I make it to Heaven I'm going to ask God 3 questions - I don't know where I came up with this, I made it up and have said it enough that I have convinced myself it's trut - but I was disscussing my question (I have only settled on 1 thus far in my life) - which is 'what are misquitos for?' - I don't like a lot of things on earth; snakes, rats, roaches, etc, but I understand their purpose in the circle of life - misquitos are a perpetual mystery...so that's question 1.
In a response to my rant about misquitos Ken said "If I get to Heaven I'm going to go find a corner to sit in, under an umbrella, with my Charlie dog and I'm going to hope no one notices me...in case it's a mistake that I'm there."
I assure you it is no mistake he's in Heaven. Ken Hoots was an amazing man who taught me the best lesson dad's ever teach daughters...and that lesson is that YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Women are hard on themselves, I am, my friends are - but the truth is, we are all worth the love, and partnership and support of a lifetime partner.
I'm still waiting on mine - I just trust that God isn't done with me yet...or him.
Either way, I know it'll be worth the wait.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
blogging = journaling?
I was never very good at keeping a journal. I believe it was due to the incesant desire to have a pretty notebook - so I'd write for a week then have messy handwriting and start over. Then over the course of moving 2 dozen times in my life those few pages of memories lost their value - and are thus lost. Sad I suppose - but nothing to be done.
I figure this way my handwriting will never matter - and no matter how many times I move I won't have to pack these thoughts.
I'm about to run - just a short start this time, but for those of you that start reading this please note:
I write like I talk - and some where, at some point in my educational past I had a teacher that told me to put a comma where I would take a breath...of all the things that stuck with me this thought seems to be attached with gorilla glue.
While I was an English minor I can't diagram a sentence or even have a real conversation about grammar above the 9th or 10th grade level - my strength was writing (with an editor) and literature. I love to read and analyze...thus my gift to you.
I figure this way my handwriting will never matter - and no matter how many times I move I won't have to pack these thoughts.
I'm about to run - just a short start this time, but for those of you that start reading this please note:
I write like I talk - and some where, at some point in my educational past I had a teacher that told me to put a comma where I would take a breath...of all the things that stuck with me this thought seems to be attached with gorilla glue.
While I was an English minor I can't diagram a sentence or even have a real conversation about grammar above the 9th or 10th grade level - my strength was writing (with an editor) and literature. I love to read and analyze...thus my gift to you.
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