resolutions

So, as I have previously mentioned one of my goals this year was to blog at least once a week - obviously that hasn't happened. I don't consider this a complete failure b/c I have managed to write a few times which is more than I can say for previous attempts to chronicle my life.
I also haven't done 50 sit-ups a day which was on that list...and I haven't really even tried.

I feel like that last 16 months of my life have been some of the most revealing for me. Moving home was a big step for me. Prior to moving back I had a need to distance myself from anything I was uncomfortable with - I would move to close myself off, but when you move home...where everybody knows you, you can't just tell your side of the story. You have to face yourself in a way that is honest and naked. For 9 years I could sugar coat everything; when I was feeling down I could always muster 20 minutes of happy to call home - and when I was broke, no one every had to know. If I made a total ass of myself at a bar, it didn't matter - and if I was a jerk to someone, I never had to see them again.

Welcome home....that doesn't fly when you are from a town of 5,000 people.

In 16 months I have gone from having a very comfortable salary, with great benefits and a positive future, to starving waitress/nanny/small business owner. My dad died. I am facing an ever changing relationship with my mom, that I thought I wouldn't have to face for several more years. I am, financially worse off than I was in college...sad but true. I live 500 miles from my closest best friend. But I am the happiest I've ever been.

Somewhere there's a cliche about finding yourself at home...looking next door, I don't know, but the concept being when you've done everything you've wondered about you realize all you ever wanted was right where you started.

I'm really hoping this year for me will continue to bring positive changes and personal growth. Business is picking up - I love love love love love what I do - and God willing, and the creek don't rise, I'm going to find a way to make a living doing it. I don't have to be a millionaire...it'd be nice...but I just want to be happy. I want to wake up everyday and feel like I do now.

The only thing missing is someone to share it with and while I'm not God, nor do I attempt to question him (anymore), I have always believed that it is not until He is finished with You that He presents to you your life partner. You can't be the perfect compliment to someone if you aren't finished yet. I feel closer to finished than I have - ever - I'm still going to patiently (not really) wait for him (prince, not God) and know that if I've waited this long to meet him, its definitely not worth compromising.